Distance

Distance shows people what life is all about; people coming and people going.

Being 6,302km is going to show me who are the people worth keeping or those worth letting go. I will be able to see who are the ones that have been there out of convenience versus those that are there out of love.

Distance is the hardest reality check, it tells you who’s gone and who’s not coming back, it breaks your heart when you know that things will never be the same again and it makes your world darker and filled with loneliness.

But distance also gives you space to grow, space to learn, space to explore your world, space to wander on your own and space to let go of all the thing you can’t control.

And occasionally, when you’re too busy living your life, when your mind is confused and your body is tired, distance sends your loved ones back to you and gives you a chance to start all over again.

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17.

At the start of 2016, I knew that at some point of time this year I would be moving to another country to study. I didn’t know when or where but I knew it was going to happen. With that in mind, you would think that I would have mentally prepared myself for the day to arrive when I actually did leave…

17.

I am 17 days away from that day to arrive and I am filled with anxiety at the thought of it arriving sooner than I can imagine. You could say “it’s just going abroad to study, plenty of people have done it before.” Well that is true, I am quite certain that the majority would tell you that what I am feeling right now is a rather common feeling.

I used the word anxious to describe what I am feeling simply because I have not quite come to terms if its something I am excited for or dreading. So I guess the word anxious was as close as I got to finding a word that encapsulated both emotions.

I am excited because the thought of venturing beyond this red dot to discover and learn beyond daily  academics is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I imagine it to be the first step into a whole series of adventures and learning experiences as I step into another phase of my life. An opportunity to grow and travel. To be honest, I am not even certain if this route I am about to take is the right one. After taking months to mull over it, I am still not a 100% sure. Despite that, I am still looking forward to grow in knowledge and see what doors open for me.

On the other hand, I am dreading being away from family, friends, loved ones. It’s a typical reason really. Nothing out of the ordinary but yet that emotion weighs heavy on me. It’s not that I cannot be independent but I enjoy living in comfort of having them around and not 6,302km away from me.

Also, the worry of not being sure what to expect is something that I struggle to get over. My head comes up with a hundred things that could go wrong and the feeling of feeling lost in another city eats away at me. My mind can’t seem to grasp the concept of not being in control. When I cannot control how certain things play out  (e.g. being uncertain on where to go or what to do or how it will be like), I start to get anxious. And I have struggled with this for a long time coming. Thus, with each passing day that anxiety gets worse and worse. I get nightmares about how horrible school turned out to be and about taking exams when in actual fact I am simply on holiday and should not have a mind flooded with such thoughts to begin with.

With all that said, i guess it would be anyone’s presumption that the negative is weighing a lot more than the positive. Even if it’s true, I need to turn that minus into a plus because whatever the case may be, I am going. So I guess till that day arrives, I just have to live in the now and enjoy my time at home before the next chapter begins.

Jet Lag

Hello.

So as my jet lag continues to mess up my already horrible sleeping habit; I have basically become nocturnal. Though frankly speaking, I quite enjoy having this quiet time in the wee hours of the morning, when everyone else is asleep. It feels like the whole world is still and that in turn, allows my thoughts to do the exact opposite and that is to run ever more wild and free. Coming up with the oddest ideas and getting inspired from the books that I read or posts that I see online. All of which have been in attempt to pass the time and tire myself out.

Rather than doing so, it has resulted in me becoming more awake. As the adrenaline and flow of ideas, the bursts of inspirations and the excitement as to what they could lead to or how it could turn out, come at me at full-force. Ideas that range from how to improve photography skills, the variety of ways to film (particularly, travelling videos), the range of both old and new books that I should get my hands on or films that I should watch etcetera, etcetera.

I guess this post does not have much of a purpose in some sense. It is just me rattling on as my human brain continues to have thoughts running through it and in my attempt to sort the mess going on in there, I type it out. Trying my best to use the English Language to communicate things on the inside, out.

So as I was saying, I spend my time reading or watching things online or on paper. Tonight I decided to scroll through all of Jacksgap videos right from the very first. During which, I stumbled across the video entitled; YOU.

Before everyone starts screaming at my complete idiocy for not watching this video when it came out in October 2014… Let me be quick to admit that yes I am one and a half years late to the party. Truth is, I did watch this video many months ago but I guess it did not have the same impact as it did when I came across it again today.

For those who do not already know, Jacksgap makes film inspired mostly by travel and this video was something a little different. The way the thoughts were conveyed through the poem really struck out to me.

And so, I leave you with the video and a the few lines from it that I love:

A voice amongst millions uttering a word with a somewhat absurd assumption that you might just be heard.

Regardless of your reason your desire is the same. An innate passion to connect and build your own name because really if you think about it, isn’t that the aim? To communicate and inspire regardless of how vain in an ain some may consider this game.

Cause to be successful two things are required a combination of luck and a deep burning desire. You see, no one gets anywhere without hard work and dedication. A factor that is often missed by these media publications.

You see the creators that I admire are those who have the desire to push and reach another level higher. Those who attempt to break free from the norm, to challenge the often repetitive form.

Hopefully you enjoy it as much as I do x

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

That’s a pretty standard question isn’t it? We have been asked this question ever since we understood what the words “growing up” meant. Being the imaginative, young-minded kids we were then, we probably answered “a princess”, “an astronaut”, “a fireman”, “a soccer player” etc. As time wore on, our answers soon changed and we started giving answers like “a doctor”, “a lawyer”, “a banker”, “a veterinarian”.

Our answers continue to change as our lives evolved and start to take shape, either through the environment in which we live in, the grades in which we obtain or in some cases, the circumstance of our financial abilities. We no longer posses the mindset that we could achieve anything we set our mind to. Instead, we were restraint either by the belief that “where my interests lay and the career that I want to pursue will not allow me to make enough money to sustain a living” or “that such a career is only for the lucky and the few”. Whilst there are certain restraints that cannot be avoided like should your grades not enable you to pursue the degree that you want or that it is difficult to further discover that field of work due to finances. More often than not, it is often the lack of belief in ourselves that we can do what we love as a living.

During my earlier teen days I often responded to this question with three words “I don’t know”. It was either that or a typical profession that most adults would expect to hear from a kid at that age. Something common but yet has believed to be something that would enable you to earn enough to support yourself. An answer that became a stereotype that we must pursue a career along those lines because it was the norm. As I grew older and started my Diploma course, my answer changed again. Tailored to be one that was in-line with the Diploma I was pursuing. Thinking to myself “well, it’s an alright diploma and I guess a degree in this field would not be too bad. It will still get me to places, a decent job and if I am lucky, I may start to like it”.

Now, as I near graduation, my answer has changed once again. Over the past six months, I started to understand more about myself. Realize where my interests lay and thinking more out of the box. One day, I was having tea with a friend and we were talking about where I was deciding to go after graduating. Which Universities I was interested in applying for and the usual stuff. We conversed about mutual friends and their ambitions alongside their ability to achieve them. It dawned on me that well, we are actually all growing up. We are making decisions that will determine the rest of our lives (of course if you realize that there were other career paths you would like to pursue in the future, it is definitely still possible). The answers that we gave were no longer just for fun or just to provide an answer and move on to the next topic of conversation. But I realized that these answers were starting to become real paths that we were choosing, and I saw many people I knew settling for something they knew they did not love but were just making do with it. And that in itself scared me.

The society we lived in no longer promoted the idea of “do what you love” but rather, “do what you know will sustain you and settle for it because this is probably as good as it gets”.

I looked at some of the choices I made, the courses I have applied for and whilst I am certain that I will be able to do something with my life with that degree, I knew that it was not what I wanted. I wanted to do more,  something I had an interest in. I do not want work to be a dread. I do not want to get by each day with the mindset of “I cannot wait for the day to end and go back home”. I would love to be able to think “I love what I am doing and it does not matter what time I am going to go home as long as it is done perfectly”.

It is definitely much easier said than done. Many people are not able to achieve their dreams for reasons that cannot be helped. But the main point of me expressing this is that it does not matter how outrages or impossible what you think your dream is to be when you grow up (unless it is to just to stay home and do nothing then I definitely encourage finding a hobby that would interest you), as long as you try to do whatever you can to achieve them. At the end of the day, you may or may not have achieved it but at least you cannot say you did not try. (With that said, definitely still have a back-up plan. It never hurts to be careful.)

So if you have read up to this point and hopefully my burst of personal opinion did not scare you away, then this is what I promise myself to do and encourage people to do the same. I am at a point in my life where I have limitless number of opportunities and chances to take. Not all doors may be opened for me and it may take a long, arduous and tiring route filled with set-backs to achieve what I aim to. I am not sure how, when, where, who or what I am going to do. But I know one thing, and that is why. Because ultimately, when I grow old, I want to be able to tell myself that I definitely tried my hardest and gave it my best.

What do I want to be when I grow up? I want to be happy and doing the things I love. 

Best Reads of 2015

By definition, an avid reader is someone who loves to read as much as you can, whenever you can. Well, I definitely do not fall under that category of people. Nonetheless, I enjoy a good book every once in awhile and in comparison to most years, I have read more book this year than I have over the past couple of years.

So I just thought I’d pen my thoughts down on a few of my favorites.

Top of the list would without a doubt be: The Maze Runner Series

This by far has got to the best series I have read ever. And by best series, EVER. I mean the books that kept me up at night and when I told myself just one more chapter it went on for another fifteen chapters or so before I was forced to put the book down. I was so immersed in the book, it felt like you entered the Maze/ Scorch with the characters. Being able to visualize everything and everyone. Having the movie already out when I started reading it enabled me to picture the characters all that clearer.

Unlike most books with the romance between the main character and in this case the one of the only few girls in the book, I rooted for the bromance between Thomas & Newt throughout the series. While most people were torn and emotionally wrecked after reading love tragedies in books such as Dear John, nothing prepared me for the heartbreak when it came to looming page 250 of The Death Cure.

All said and done, it was a series unlike the Divergent or The Hunger Games. From the first page of the book I dived right into the heart and action of it all making it my all time favorite, this year. I am sure that these four books are one in which I would pick up to read again in the near future. It was the kind of book that made “you know you’ve read a good book when you turn the last page and feel a little as if you’ve lost a friend”.

The Girl on the Train was another book that was definitely different from the usual genres that I loved. I picked the book up at a bookstore in Heathrow Airport and started reading it whilst on vacation. The intensity and curiosity that peaked along as the book progressed and the final plot twist that I did not see coming left me in awe. It was the kind of books that I often saw in the movies but never quite as detailed.

Lastly, Where Rainbows End was the typical lovey dovey book that you would expect from Cecilia Ahern. Unlike most of the books, this book was written in letters as it brought me through the rollercoaster ride of the relationship between Rosie and Alex. The almosts but never quite there yet. Of course concluding with the happy ending that I always love to read. Leaving me satisfied that the happily ever after was worth the three hundred+ pages that I had to go through.

These were some of the books I singled out, out of the couple of books I read this year. Just received a few more books (Hello Life, All The Bright Places) that were shipped in from the UK that I am about to start reading once I finish According to YES.